A few words…

Mama, Daddy, I am truly sorry that you have left me.  I will always miss you.  I will always wish that you would choose to want to know me again.  And I will always appreciate the things you did for me that helped me become the man I am today… with all of my strengths and flaws.  There will be many things I will remember fondly and many things that I will not be able to recall without tears or pain.  I cannot say at the end of this “it was all for the best.”  Nor can I say “this was meant to happen for a reason.”  All I CAN say is “this happened” and “this changed me” and “this was part of my journey to being the man I am today.”  And I suppose that is all the closure I can hope for, and I think in the end, it will be enough.  I hope that you have found or will find some closure as well.  I hope that you will live on in peace and heal as well.  I hope that you find fulfillment in your own ways as I have found mine.  I hope that you never forget how to love me, as I will never forget that I love you.  And I hope that you can be happy in this life and whatever may come next.  I hope that, if there is another life, we can start over there and find our family again.  But if not, know that I still carry pieces of you with me and I always will.

Love, Evan


2 responses

  1. Peace to you, Evan. It takes a huge and forgiving heart to be able to speak words of gentleness to people who have hurt you so badly.

    1. Thank you, Abby. It’s been a tough weekend. I never realized how pervasive and inescapable the messages of Mother’s Day are and how much they would affect me since it’s my first year without being able to speak to her. Last year I came out to them as transgender on mothers day, since that was the only day I would be able to see them face-to-face before moving across the country for grad-school. At that time, they told me I would never be accepted… bad thoughts and memories all around and I haven’t gotten out from under that cloud since then. I guess that’s why I write.

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